What voice are you choosing?
What voice are you choosing?
Growing up we didn’t have a TV or neighbors. If you didn’t have a vivid imagination, days were long. I developed a talent for doing impressions. I learned choosing a different voice could take me to a different place and make the day more fun!
People may choose from a variety of their own “voices” when they speak to others, depending on some of the following factors:
- Their level of self awareness- they can’t change where you’re speaking from IF they can’t truly hear themselves.
- H.A.L.T. -Are they hungry, angry, lonely or tired? (I’d add scared, fear is a huge voice) Speaking from a place of any of the above might be laced with resentment, impatience, passive aggression or frustration.
- What they feel is at stake- Money, safety, pride or how they feel they are perceived.
- Intent- Most of the above are reactions, speaking from a feeling that they may not be fully aware of. Intent is a different voice, it’s a conscious choice.
Intent can be clear, with the best interests of all concerned OR it can be purposefully manipulative, carefully dosed for their own benefit.
We can’t control the voice that others choose to use when they communicate with us. Sometimes this is really annoying and hard to handle.
It’s not our job to point out their faults. It’s not our job to “show them”
with snark and mal intent of our own. It’s not our job to decide where they need to be so that our experience is easier. It’s so tempting, I’ve done it, it starts the whole cycle over again. Reacting, defending, deflecting, withdrawing.
Lean into what you can control-
- Remaining centered and aware of the voice you’re choosing when you respond. Are you reacting from an unacknowledged feeling, what’s your intent?
- Practice holding space for what someone is expressing without apologizing, solving, offering to help or telling them it’s not a big deal.
- Practice healthy boundaries-early and often, be clear about what you need, and what needs adjustment. Don’t make assumptions that others know, they don’t.
- Speak up when something is uncomfortable or abusive. Compassion for what others are experiencing isn’t complacency carte blanche for bad behavior. Practice communication that sticks to the facts, states what you need and what will happen next if that doesn’t occur.
